“I think we need a much clearer word to stay than to go” - Scott Contival

I think I always knew deep down that the Lord was calling me to be a missionary overseas, it just took me a while to fully accept it.

Here's a little background to explain: I can think back to the moment at Passion Conference, in the Mercedes Benz stadium when the Lord said to me, “Halle you are called to the nations.” I can think back to a worship night in my friend Destiny’s apartment in Redding, California when someone read to me Psalm 45 declaring that it was a chapter that would mark my life. There’s a part in Psalm 45 that says, “Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your family far away.” I remember wondering what the implications of this would be. Would this mean leaving my family?

When I was growing up, I thought my life would look like this: graduate high school, get married, raise a family, homeschool my kids, and that was it. That was the extent of what I dreamt for. While that is a beautiful dream, it wasn’t really my dream. As great as that sounded, deep down it somehow felt unfulfilling. I remember when the Lord showed me that I have permission to DREAM BIG. I started imagining that I could travel and live in other countries. That I wouldn’t just grow up in Casper and stay there forever. It was still scary to dream, but I knew deep down there was a lot more out there. Little did I know that those dreams would begin to mark my life. The longings deep down in my soul weren’t just fun ideas anymore, they were God given desires, they were His desires. 

In 2021 I went to The Gathering Church in Douglas, randomly (but really not so randomly) and heard about a mission’s trip to Belize. I thought, “I want to GO!” I did go, and I remember falling so in love with ALL of it. The people, the traveling, and the culture. All my life I denied that I could be a missionary long term, but was so fascinated by people who lived that out. 

I went to DTS in Kona and was around likeminded people all with hearts burning for the nations. It was so life giving and inspiring for me. I remember being on outreach and feeling so fulfilled and satisfied. I loved seeing the lost and unreached become followers of Jesus.

Then I came to SBS and thought it was all for me and my personal relationship with the Lord. In the book of Titus (week 2) Isaac, our session leader, said, “SBS is not just for you, but for who the Lord is calling you to.” I remember wrestling with the Lord, during the book of Mark, about counting the cost and what it really means to follow the Lord. I was wrestling with “is He worth it?” Then concluding that “YES, He is worth it!” Without realizing it, deep down I was wrestling with MY cost for following Jesus means: long term missions. I would say to people, “I know I feel called to missions, but it’s probably just short-term missions, but I don’t really know...” Because I had faith to believe the Lord would call me for short term missions, but I denied that the Lord was really calling me to bigger things than that. 

I had a conversation with my friend Abby, and she was saying that she’s begun asking if she really does even want to live in America and settle down, or if she would want to raise her kids overseas. That sounded crazy to me at the time, now, the thought of raising kids overseas excites me! When I was talking to my life long best friend Noelle and telling her how much my heart burns for unreached people, it brought me to tears. I didn’t realize how much my heart longed for those who haven't heard, to know the Way, Truth, and Life.

Then today (November 15th, 2023) in class for the book of Romans, our speaker Scott said, “in America, I think we need a much clearer word to stay, then we need to go.” It hit me. There was a peace deep down, and for the first time in my life, I realized that the call the Lord has extended to me is to be a long-term missionary. My instant response was, “no that couldn’t be me.” For a split second I processed it and didn’t deny the calling. I felt immense peace. I felt a wholeness in my soul. It was all making sense. In seconds I could trace back all these moments in my life that the Lord was calling me to be a missionary and finally, I am willing to accept that call. The implications run through my mind, instantly thinking about, “what does this mean for my family?” I could picture myself saying goodbye to them once and for all, headed to another country, bags packed, tear filled eyes about to embark on this adventure. All within seconds these questions I had been asking my whole life, "What is my purpose?" "What am I called to do?" "What am I going to do with my life?" Have finally been answered. It all makes sense now. I’m going to the nations!

While I’m still left with more questions than answers, I have peace. I don’t know where I’ll be going long term, and what steps I will need to take to get there, but I know that God will open the doors and reveal it to me in his timing. I know the Lord will direct me in his timing. 

A verse that I'm holding on to through all of this is: 

WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSE?

I want to encourage you to have BIG faith, dream big, and ask the Lord what or where he is calling you? We need Christians in business. We need Christians in the public school system. We need Christians in grocery stores, banks, and healthcare. Don't compare your calling to another. We are all a part of the body of Christ. We all have an important role to fulfill in the Kingdom of God. The best place you can be is in God's will. Ask Him where that is for YOU, and then follow with radical obedience!

Thank you for reading and supporting me in this beautiful, and crazy journey of following the Lord. Blessings, Halle. 🤍